Skip to main content

A Gruesome Story

An unusual story has appeared in the local newspaper during the last couple of weeks. While not unprecedented, it is unusual, and although it's not fumy, it is difficult to avoid making some macabre jokes. But I'll try.

It all started with a Sunday News story on January 27. The family of a man who died the previous month was having a hard time getting his death certificate and ashes from the mortuary. His obit had not appeared, so his mother had it printed at her own expense. The certificate and ashes finally turned up three weeks later.

Other similar stories turned up – loss of ashes, obits not printed, Social Security not notified, etc. In one case a family ordered one large urn and four small ones for their loved one's ashes. Finally the large urn arrived, but the small ones remained on backorder. When the family went to pick up the large urn, the funeral director waved a baggy with the remaining ashes at them, and asked if they wanted him to keep them until the other urns arrived! As the family member said, “Who wants to see their loved one in a baggie!"

But the real story appeared on February 1. Based on the complaint of a customer who was unable to obtain the ashes of his mother, police searched the funeral home and found four decomposing bodies in the basement – remains that were supposed to have been cremated, but never were. Only one body was stored in a cooling unit, two were lying on a table, and another was in a cardboard box in the basement!

Subsequent investigations into the operations of the mortuary have uncovered multiple problems. Prepaid funeral arrangement monies were not turned over to the insurance company, irregularities in paperwork to the county coroner have surfaced, numerous suppliers have filed for unpaid bills, and today the coup de grace, a bank sued on default of a business loan to the tune of $388,000.

Sounds like the director has dug himself into a hole.

Damn! I promised I wouldn't do that.
******
My books, "There Are Only Seven Jokes" and "The Spirit Runs Through It" are available in 

paperback of Kindle at Amazon.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

There Are Only Seven Jokes - Introduction

      The statement “There are only seven jokes – all the rest are variations,” has been around for a long time, but no one ever seems to know what the original seven are. I think I have found the solution to the mystery.       The answer is to be found in an article published in the New York Times on May 2, 1909. Entitled “New Jokes? There Are No New Jokes, There Is Only One Joke,” it goes on to say that all jokes are a distortion, and lists seven categories of distortion. Supposedly every joke will fit into one of the categories. I believe that repetition changed the seven categories into the seven jokes.       Each of my next seven blogs will be devoted to exploring one of the categories. In addition, I shall attempt to give an example or two of jokes which I think fit the category.       You must realize that this article appeared over one hundred years ago, so most of the jokes appearing therein are so out-of-date that modern readers wouldn’t even understand them. For example,

By Today’s Standards Many of my Teachers Would be in Jail

I started school in a two-room building: grades 1 to 4 in one room; grades 5 to 8 in the other. One teacher in each room taught all four grades. I don’t remember first grade very well – the teacher left at the end of the year. I am pretty sure it was not my fault. Now keep in mind that reading the Bible every morning was the standard for all grades at that time. But my teacher in grades two to four went a little above and beyond the normal practice. As a member of a “plain” sect, she considered it her duty to lead the little heathens to Christianity. She offered a free Bible to all students who managed to memorize 20 verses. I memorized my verses – “Jesus saves” was my favorite because it was the shortest – and got my Bible with my twenty underlined in red. That would be illegal today (not the underlining), and rightly so. Teachers may not teach religion, although contrary to what many folks seem to think, students may bring their Bibles to school, read them, and pray their
The National Anthem I have a somewhat minor pet peeve. I say minor because in the grand scheme of things neither I nor society will do anything substantive about it, so my best bet is probably to suck it up and move on. Perhaps after writing about it I can lay it to rest. It came up recently while I was working out at our Wellness Center. A program on television was playing America The Beautiful , and I remarked to a lady I have known for 40 years that I thought that should be the National Anthem instead of The Star Spangled Banner. She replied, rather huffily, I thought, “Some people think God Bless America should be the national anthem.” At that point I decided, wisely, I think, to back off before an argument sprang up. Now I realize that The Star Spangled Banner is a very nice, patriotic song, but an anthem it is not. According to Wikipedia, “ An anthem is a  musical composition  of celebration, usually used as a symbol for a distinct group, particularly the  nationa