Tuesday, May 24, 2011

GOP Zipper Malfunctions.

     The history of politicians being caught with their pants down, literally, goes back a long way, but until Bill Clinton's adventures came to light, no one seemed to care very much. And it seems as if the burden of infidelity has fallen more often on stalwarts of the Republican party.
     Oh, I know the Democrats have had their free-swingers, e.g. Franklin Roosevelt, John Kennedy, John Edwards and the fore-mentioned Bill Clinton, but they are not the ones who are out there preaching “family values” as part of their party platform. And although the Democrats have often engaged in “left-wing social engineering,” they are not attempting to highjack must-pass bills, e.g. raising the debt ceiling, by attaching “right-wing social engineering” anti-abortion and anti-gay riders to it. (Left-wing and right-wing social engineering terms were raised by Newt Gingrich on the May 15th telecast of Meet The Press. On May 17th he asked everyone to forget he ever mentioned them.)
     Here are a few of the macho GOP studs whose careers went from “up and coming” to “hanging their heads” because of ZCF (zipper closure failure):

      Rudy Giuliani – In 1968 Giuliani married Regina Peruggi. They were divorced in 1982, after Giuliani started dating Donna Hanover, a Washington TV personality. In addition to a civil divorce, he had to have a Catholic annulment, because he “didn't know” Peruggi was his second cousin; he thought she was his third cousin. Giuliani and Hanover were married in 1984.
     In 1997, Vanity Fair magazine reported there was a romantic link between former City Hall communications director, Cristyne Lategano, and Giuliani. Both denied the report and it was never confirmed. However, Hanover blames Lategano for seriously damaging her 16-year marriage to the mayor. At a news conference confirming their divorce in 2000, Hanover didn’t mention Lategano by name, but said, "For several years, it was difficult to participate in Rudy's public life because of his relationship with one staff member."
     In 1999 Rudy began a relationship with Judith Nathan, a twice-divorced sales manager for a pharmaceutical company. Beginning in summer 1999, costs for his New York Police Department security detail during weekend visits to her in Southampton, New York were charged to obscure city agencies. In early 2000, Nathan began getting city-provided chauffeur services from the police department. Giuliani and Nathan were married in 2003. It was the third marriage for both of them.

      Marshall “Mark” Sanford served as Congressman from South Carolina from 1995 until 2001. In 2002 he was elected governor, and was reelected in 2006.
     Between June 18th and 24th, 2009, he disappeared from sight. Even though members of his staff didn't know his whereabouts, they told reporters he was hiking the Appalachian Trail. Upon his return, he admitted he had spent the week in Buenos Aires with María Belén Chapur, an Argentine woman. In revealing an affair that had gone on for about a year — and which he said he had disclosed to his wife, Jenny, five months prior — he said: “This was selfishness on my part.” He was later censured over the affair because of misuse of state travel funds.

      Newt Gingrich married Jackie Battley, his former high school geometry teacher, in 1962, when he was 19 years old and she was 26. In the spring of 1980, Gingrich left Battley after having an affair with Marianne Ginther. According to Battley, in September 1980, Gingrich visited her to discuss the details of their divorce while she was in the hospital recovering from uterine cancer surgery. Newt and Marianne were married six months after the divorce became final.
     During the time Newt was leading the perjury and obstruction of justice charge against Bill Clinton in connection with his adventures with Monica Lewinsky, Newt began an affair with Callista Bisek, a House of Representatives staffer. She is 23 years younger than he is. They were married in 2000, shortly after his second divorce became final.
     The divorce discussion was a case of deja vu; it took place a few months after Marianne was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I would advise Callista not to get sick.
     Newt has an explanation for his frequent problems with ZCF. In a recent interview on The Christian Broadcasting Network, Newt, who recently converted to Catholicism, explained, "There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate."
     I would think that the harder one worked, the less time one has for tom-catting around.

      Arnold Schwarzenegger's problems began at least 13 years ago, at least as far as we know, because he has a suddenly discovered son, Joseph, of that age. His mother is 50-year-old Mildred Baena, a 20-year member of the Schwarzenegger's household staff until she resigned this past January. Joseph and Arnold's youngest legitimate son, Christopher, were born within five days of each other.
     In 2003, as Schwarzenegger was running for governor in a hastily-called election following the recall of Gov. Gray Davis, the Los Angeles Times published a story in which six women said he'd groped them sexually without their consent. The story appeared five days before the election; by the time the polls opened, 16 women had come forward with the same claim. Shortly after the story broke, Arnold admitted he had “behaved badly.” His wife, Maria Shriver, stood by him.
     Rumors are flying that the Governator has fathered two more children out of wedlock, and at least one woman has come forth claiming that Arnold could be the father of her child. She is asking for a DNA test.
     According to Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity, information cannot travel faster than the speed of light (approximately 186,000 miles per second). But there are things which can travel faster than that, at least theoretically. For example, suppose one could build a circular wall, similar to a wall around a castle, with a radius of approximately 29,600 miles. Such a wall would be 186,000 miles in circumference. At the center of the circular wall there is a laser which projects a spot on the wall. If the laser revolves at the rate of one revolution per second, the spot will move along the wall at 186,000 miles per second. If the wall is moved say, 500 miles further away from the laser, the spot will move about 189,125 miles per second, which would violate the theory.
     Causality – The Spirit Runs Through It.

The Spirit Runs Through It” and “There Are Only Seven Jokes” are available in paperback, or at the Kindle Store.

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