Saturday, May 1, 2010

There Are Only Seven Jokes - Category 3

      Category 3, distortion of spelling, is the home of many, many puns, so love 'em or hate 'em, it's pun time. Puns, or "groaners" as some folks like to call them, are fun. Try 'em on your friends and relatives, but keep a straight face when you tell them and be prepared for GROANS... then you'll see why they are so called . . . so enjoy ‘em and pass 'em on!


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A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating: always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
      As the following very short story illustrates, not all puns are one-liners:

      I once had a friend who was a renowned clinical psychologist. He used to tell me about all the patients he had seen.
      One of the most interesting cases he told me about involved a schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder.
      At times this person believed himself to be a temptress in a Bizet opera. At other times he was convinced that he was the head of the German Luftwaffe in WW II.
      The consensus of the practitioners was that the poor fellow didn't know if he was Carmen or Goering . . .

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      Category 3 is also home to many of the ever popular knock, knock jokes.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?M
egan and chicken
Megan and chicken who?
He's megan a list and chicken it twice, he's gonna find out who’s naughty and nice...
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As always, I ask my readers to click on the “Comments” button below, and add any thoughts, additions or jokes they may have to the list. The category for tomorrow is distortion of pronunciation.


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      After man was created, God presented all the created objects to him for naming. Language was born! And man’s eating the forbidden fruit of the tree of good and evil signifies the primeval (perhaps I should say the prime evil) classification, because this was the birth not only of man’s greatest achievements, but also his deepest troubles. Now man could assign “things” to an infinite number of categories: not only good and evil, but also large and small, friendly and hostile, similar and different, red and green, etc., by means of the Spirit working through language. Thus it would appear as if man’s new toy, speech, brought with it a universe of troubles.
      The Wisdom Of Genesis – The Spirit Runs Through It.

The book and/or a free look inside is available in paperback or on Kindle at Amazon

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